Secret Admirer
by Seymour Butz
Summary: During a Valentine's Day party, Brain finds a mystery love note in his mailbox from a secret admirer, and enlists the aid of a detective to help him expose the culprit.
1. Brain's Mystery Note

Secret Admirer - Chapter One "Brain's Mystery Note"

The bell rang at Lakewood Elementary, as murmuring was audible through-out the hallways and the classrooms.

"Alright class, settle down now..." Mr. Ratburn commanded.

The kids in Mr. Ratburn's class all took to their seats, and quieted down.

"Now, I know you're all anxious about Valentine's Day," Mr. Ratburn said, "but let us not forget why you're here today... you're here today to learn..."

The kids all groaned.

"Leave it to Ratburn to make us work on a holiday." Francine whispered to Arthur.

"Yeah, can you imagine all of that homework he gave us over the winter holidays?" Arthur asked.

"You're telling me," Buster added, "when I said we'd be doing homework through New Years, I was making a joke, now, it's sad, but true."

"Class?" Mr. Ratburn asked, hearing uneccessary talking. "Now then, if you will all open your math books to page 185, we'll get started on graphs today..."

As Mr. Ratburn arose from his desk, and began demonstrating graphs on the blackboard, Francine whispered to Arthur again.

"So, what kind of Valetines did you get for our mailboxes, Arthur?" Francine whispered.

"I got these really cool holographic Bionic Bunny Valentines," Arthur whispered back, "what did you get?"

"I looked all over town, but I finally found the new Judo Kittens Valentines." Francine whispered.

Arthur and Buster both rolled their eyes, and stuck out their tounges in disgust at the thought of Judo Kittens Valentines. Mr. Ratburn continued to show the class the graphs on the blackboard, demonstrating that the differences between positive and negative, but none of the kids were interested. They were too busy thinking about the Valentine's Day party that will be held after recess today. Underneath everyone's desks were decorative cardboard mailboxes for everyone to slip Valentines into, meanwhile, Arthur's Father would be dropping by with special cookies, cupcakes, and punch for the party, and Mr. Ratburn was going to borrow a stereo another of the teachers had. The kids brought various CDs for the party, all of which were kid-friendly, nothing heavy or with a lot of swearing.

Later, when all the kids were in the playground for recess, Arthur sat atop the jungle gyms, looking out for his Father's catering van.

"Is he here yet?" Buster asked, climbing up the bars.

"Not yet, but he should be here any minute!" Arthur said.

"Hey, is your Dad bringing chocolate cupcakes with pink frosting on them?" Binky asked, as he walked over to the jungle gyms.

"I don't know if they're chocolate," Arthur said, "but they do have pink frosting..."

"Well, sorry, Arthur, but I don't eat anything with pink in them." Binky said.

"... but some of them also have red, and white frosting..." Arthur finished.

"Oh..." Binky said, "well, that's okay too."

"Who cares what color the frosting is?" Francine asked, hanging upside down. "How often do we get to eat cookies and cupcakes in school?"

"How often do we have a party in school?" Buster asked.

"Oh, I can't wait any longer... when is that bell gonna ring?!" Buster asked.

The bell rang.

"Whoa... that was scary..." Buster said, "you don't think aliens broke into the school's time system, and re-programmed when all of the bells ring, do you?"

"Nope," Francine said, looking at her watch, "recess is over..."

"Yeah, and there's my Dad!" Arthur pointed out, as he saw his Father's catering van pulling into the faculty parking lot.

Finally, the wait was over. The party was underway in Mr. Ratburn's classroom, as the kids went through a line in front of his desk, where Arthur's Father had the kids help themselves each to two cupcakes, two cookies, and a large cup of punch. Mr. Ratburn made sure each of the kids thanked Arthur's Father when they got their snacks, and returned to their desks, which were now decorated with little pieces of confetti, and their special mailboxes.

"Oh, I could eat a hundred of these cupcakes..." Buster said, as he was shoving them into his mouth, "and a thousand of these cookies... why can't I have your Dad?"

"Because I already have him." Arthur said, with a chuckle.

Francine and Buster were chuckling as well, when they noticed Binky was not quite secretly eating two cupcakes with pink frosting on them.

"I really appreciate this, Mr. Read," Mr. Ratburn said, "Mrs. Powers was going to bring ice cream, but her parlor was short in supply, and she wasn't able to spare any.

"It's no trouble, Mr. Ratburn," Arthur's Father said, "business has been a little slow as of late, so I had quite a bit of free time to work on the party preparations... besides, nothing quite like seeing the smiles on children's faces... for me, that beats a hefty paycheck any day."

"Yes, indeed." Mr. Ratburn said.

After a short while, the desks were rearranged into a circle, which made delivering Valentines relatively easier. Most of the kids were up and around, though Binky still sat as his desk, with his feet propped up, thanking each kid who dropped a Valentine in the slat in his box.

"Binky, why aren't you passing out Valentines?" Arthur asked, as he dropped his into Binky's box.

"Come on, Arthur," Binky said, "passing out Valentines is for little kids!"

"That's not very nice," Sue Ellen said, passing by, with Valentines in hand, "we all made you Valentines."

"I know, thanks..." Binky said, as he gestured for Sue Ellen to drop her's into his box, which she did, before rolling her eyes.

Binky wasn't the only kid who didn't pass out Valentines, though, a few other kids didn't bother as well, including Fern and George, both of whom didn't feel like they were liked by the other kids, and figured the other kids wouldn't care if they got Valentines from them. Most of the kids did, however. As mentioned, Arthur passed out Bionic Bunny Valentines, Francine passed out Judo Kitten Valentines, Buster's were alien themed, while both Brain and Muffy designed their own - Brain designed his on his computer, and were outer space themed, meanwhile, Muffy had her picture on all of her's, much like anything she designs, such as invetations and such.

At the end of the day, the kids helped move their desks back to their original positions, as well as straighten up the classroom.

"Now class, I'd like you all to thank Mr. Read once more, for bringing us our snacks and refreshments for the party, today." Mr. Ratburn instructed.

"Thank you, Mr. Read!" All the kids said, in unison.

"You're more than welcome, kids, I'm glad you liked them!" Mr. Read said, with a smile, as he loaded up his dishes, and left the classroom.

"Okay class," Mr. Ratburn said, silencing the room, "before school is dismissed, I want to go over tonight's homework assignments..."

Arthur sighed. "Well, some things never change."

Francine and Buster giggled again.

After school had ended for the day, Arthur, Buster, and Francine gathered in their treehouse, overlooking Elwood City, all going through the Valentines that were left in their boxes.

"This is so cool, Buster!" Arthur laughed, as he showed Francine the Valentine Buster gave him, which had an alien, writing 'Happy Valentine's Day!' on the side of a barn, with a ray gun.

"Did you this one?" Francine asked, showing off her's, which had a cartoonish alien pulling hearts out of his mouth, saying 'Hearts For Valentine's Day!'

Arthur and Francine chuckled.

"You picked out some great Valentine's, Buster!" Francine said.

"I know," Buster said, "there was only enough left for everybody in class, I think I'll have to get a box for myself before they're all sold out!"

"Look at Muffy's..." Francine said, with a laugh, as she showed Arthur and Buster the homemade Valentine, with Muffy striking a glamorous pose, holding a heart shaped box of candy in one hand, and a bunch of heart shaped balloons in the other, with fancy red captioning reading 'Have a happiest Valentine's Day, from Mary Alice Crosswire'.

"That's funny, but Brain's are pretty cool, too..." Arthur said, looking at the customized card he got from Brain, which had stars spelling out 'Happy Valentine's Day, Arthur!', with a comet passing by at the bottom.

Francine showed off her's from Brain, which had the planet Mars in the middle, which stars around it spelling out 'Have a red planet for Valentine's Day', which Francine liked a lot, as red was her favorite color, and Mars was her favorite planet.

Buster's had an alien crusing by in its little space ship, pulling a banner reading 'Hope your Valentine's Day is out of this world!'

"I think Brain made the best Valentine's this year!" Francine said.

"Yeah, me too!" Buster agreed.

"Say, where is Brain, anyway?" Arthur asked.

"Probably already went home," Francine said, "he was acting a little strange after the party today..."

Brain was already home, like Francine thought, but the reason he was acting strange was because he found a strange note in his mailbox. Unlike the other cards, the note was on a piece of folded, plain white paper, and instead of having a classmate's sloppy signature on it, the note was typed. The text was relatively elegant, and purple. Just reading it made Brain feeling stranger, and stranger, as the poem went on.

How I wish my nerves were of steel

to tell you exactly how I feel

I have admired you for quite some time

I think about you at the drop of a dime

if only I could let you know

my fondess for you continues to grow

as witty and intelligent as you are

I know one day you will go far

a lot of cards say 'will you be mine'  
how I wish you could be my real Valentine

I write you now, I write you true

I am always thinking of you

Brain smirked as he finished reading the note for the fifth time, growing more and more confused each time he read it, as the poem was simply signed 'Your Secret Admirer'. Like the poem itself, the signature was typed, so Brain had no way of figuring out who wrote it, based on handwriting. He wondered who could have possibly sent him such a note, he wondered, and how long has he such this secret admirer? Is this secret admirer in his class, let alone the same school? With the phrasing, and grammer, could the secret admirer be someone from a higher grade? He couldn't think of any of his friends who could write like this. Brain felt strange, and somewhat paranoid, and seemed rather nervous at school the next day.

"Hey guys?" Brain asked, as he walked over to Arthur, Buster, and Francine's table.

"Brain!" Arthur said. "Those Valentines you made were so cool!"

"Yeah, Brain, thanks a lot!" Francine added.

"Cool alien!" Buster said, still looking at his.

"Glad you guys liked them..." Brain said, looking over his shoulder.

"Is something wrong, Brain?" Arthur asked.

"Huh? Oh, no... well... listen, can I talk to you guys at recess today?" Brain asked.

Arthur, Buster, and Francine looked somewhat confused, but shrugged it off and agreed to meet their friend over recess.

Later that afternoon, the four of them took to a secluded areas in the trees behind the playground, for a little privacy, while Arthur, Buster, and Francine read over the note Brain found in his box. One, by one, they grimmaced at how mushy the note was.

"Ew!" They all said.

"This is possibly the grossest thing I ever read!" Francine said, sticking her finger in her mouth, and gagging.

"Do you know who left you this note, Brain?" Arthur asked.

"I don't have a single clue, and it's driving me crazy!" Brain said, holding his head, in distress.

"You know what you need, Brain? You need a private detective!" Francine suggested.

"A detective? For this?" Brain asked.

"Sure," Arthur agreed, "and I know the best detective to do this job!" Arthur placed his hand on his best friend's shoulder.

"Just leave it to me Brain, I'll help you track down your secret admirer in no time!" Buster boasted.

"A detective..." Brain pondered, "you know, it's so crazy, it just might work!"

"Great! We can get started after school today, we'll meet at the treehouse, and..." Buster began.

"Thanks, Buster, but... I'm not sure if you're the best detective for the job..." Brain said.

"What?!" The other three gasped.

"Well... why not?" Buster asked, his feelings almost hurt.

"Sorry, Buster... but this note was obviously sent to me by a girl..." Brain said.

"So?" Arthur asked.

"So, in order to figure this out, I need the assistance of someone who thinks like a girl." Brain said.

"Well, I can think like a girl!" Buster said, so wanting the job. "Uh... I can say that, uh... shoes are my best friends, and, uh... those tube tobs are so outdated..."

"Buster... you're scaring me." Francine said.

"I could wear high heels, wear a dress, paint my nails..." Buster continued.

"That won't be necessary..." Brain began.

"I'll even play with dolls, please let me have the job, Brain!" Buster pleaded.

"Sorry, Buster," Brain rose to his feet, "but, I just don't believe you're the right detective to help me solve this case... maybe next time..."

Brain walked away, while Buster called out to him.

"I'll even put lip stick on!" Buster pleaded.

"Come on, Buster, give it a rest..." Arthur said, trying to calm Buster down.

"I can think like a girl, I can!" Buster insisted.

"Forget it, Buster." Francine said.

Next to Buster, Brain only knew of one other detective in his class. He knew for a case like this, she would be more logical to help him. After all, she is a girl, and as such, she can naturally think like a girl, and have a better understand of who could've possibly sent him the note, and why.


	2. Maybe Molly?

Secret Admirer - Chapter Two "Maybe Molly?"

At long last, the final bell rang, dismissing school for the day. Brain pocketted the note he found in his Valentine's Day mailbox, and exited the classroom with his friends. Once in the hall, Brain looked around to see where the one who would be able to help him went off to.

"Brain?" Buster asked, walking up behind him. "What if I wore a wig?"

"Sorry, Buster, but I just don't believe you're the right detective for this case." Brain said, once he spotted the detective he'd rather have at her locker, and walked off.

"Come on, Buster..." Arthur said, taking his best friend by the arm, "it's not the end of the world, there will be other cases."

"Oh, I hope so, I'm starting to lose business!" Buster said, as he followed Arthur out the door.

Brain walked further down the corridor, until he approached his destination.

"Fern?" Brain asked.

Fern peared from behind her locker door to find Brain approaching her.

"Oh... hi, Brain." Fern replied.

"Fern, I need your special skills to help me solve a very strange case." Brain said.

"Special skills?" Fern asked. "Case?"

"Yes, could you meet me at the Sugar Bowl at your earliest convenience?" Brain asked.

"Um... sure," Fern said, closing her locker, "I just need to run my things home, and I can meet you afterwards."

"Sounds fine." Brain said.

Shortly thereafer, Brain and Fern were sitting at a table at the Sugar Bowl, each having a milk shake, and discussing Brain's case.

"So, let me get this straight," Fern began, "you're enlisting the aid of a detective to help you solve a mystery that's puzzling you?"

"Exactly!" Brain said.

"Well, I'm sure I can help you there," Fern said, "but... wouldn't you rather Buster help you, here? I know he's a good friend of your's and all, perhaps you'd rather have someone you're more familiar with help you with..."

"I can't," Brain interrupted, "you see... for this case, I need the assistance of a girl, and... well, can think like a girl."

Fern was confused. "I don't quite understand, Brain, are you having girl problems?"

Brain sighed, and pulled the note from his pocket. "I found this strange note in my Valentine's mailbox yesterday... it has an articulate poem typed on it, and it's signed 'secret admirer'."

"Oh, I see..." Fern said.

"And as you can see, I highly doubt that Buster would be the most logical detective to assist me in this case." Brain said.

"I understand," Fern said, with a chuckle, "well, have you any deductions of your own, to begin with?"

"Just two..." Brain said, "I believe whoever sent me this note is obviously someone older than I."

"Why do you think that?" Fern asked.

"Here, read it yourself..." Brain handed Fern the note.

"Hmm..." Fern said, skimming over the note, "you're right, unless whoever wrote this excels in reading and writing, then I do believe it could very well be from someone older."

"And another thing," Brain pointed out, "everything has been typed... the poem, and even the signature..."

"Good observation," Fern said, "and I have two theories as to why that is, and they're both linked to each other."

"What are they?" Brain asked.

"For one thing, I think whoever sent this to you was possibly wanting it to look relatively nice, which probably wouldn't be possible if the secret admirer had poor handwriting..." Fern said.

"Hmm, good point." Brain said.

"Speaking of which, it's also possible whoever sent this was also wanting to avoid using her handwriting, in the case you might recognize it." Fern said.

"You really think so?" Brain asked.

"It's possible, yes." Fern said.

Brain nodded. "See, I wouldn't think Buster would be able to come to deductions like that."

"I wouldn't think so, either." Fern said, sipping her milkshake.

"So, how do you suppose we'll be able to find whoever sent this?" Brain asked.

"Well, let's make a list of possibilities, and narrow it down..." Fern said, as she pulled out a napkin from the dispenser, and a pen from her pocket. "Now, how many older girls do you know?"

"I don't know any older girls!" Brain said.

"Not even one?" Fern asked.

"Well... there's Molly..." Brain said, thinking of Binky's friend, who tends to be a bit of a bully at times, "but it couldn't be her..."

"Why couldn't it?" Fern asked.

"Well, anytime she associates with me, it's usually to bully me around... why would somebody who bullies me send me such a note?" Brain asked.

"Well, often times when a girl picks on a boy, it's because she likes him." Fern said.

"Oh, brother..." Brain said, resting his head on one hand, "I've heard that a million times from my own mother..."

"Your mother would know," Fern said, "after all, she was a girl herself, once."

"That's true..." Brain said, "so, you really think it might be Molly?"

"We have to consider the possibilites here." Fern said.

Brain looked over the note once more. "This doesn't seem like the kind of thing she would write though..."

"People aren't always what they seem," Fern said, "look at Binky, he tries to represent a tough exterior, but we know he does ballet, enjoys fine literature... even collected butterflies once."

"Good point..." Brain said, growing a little nervous at the thought of Molly being his secret admirer. "How are we going to find out it's her?"

"Whatever you do, don't come right out and ask her, otherwise, she'll deny it." Fern said.

"You maybe right, there..." Brain said.

"I have an idea," Fern began, "tomorrow at lunch, expose yourself a bit to her..."

"How do you mean?" Brain asked.

"Walk by whatever table she sits at from time to time," Fern suggested, "maybe sit at a table that's near to her... see if she takes notice to you, and if she does, what her facial expressions tell you."

"What kind of facial expressions?" Brain asked.

"Like, perhaps if you notice out of the corner of your eye that she's staring at you, and she looks away if you suddenly look in her direction." Fern said. "Or, if she smiles a little if she takes notice to you."

"I don't know..." Brain said.

"Give it a try," Fern suggested, "you never know, it's worth a shot."

"Yes, I suppose it is..." Brain said, as he got up from the table. "Well, thanks for the help, Fern."

"No problem," Fern said, "let me know how it goes, and if you'll still need my help."

"I will." Brain said, as he walked out of the Sugar Bowl, pocketting the note once more.

Fern shook her head, as she went back to sipping on her milkshake. "Boys..."

The next day, at lunch, Arthur and Buster caught up with Brain in line.

"Hey Brain," Arthur said, "so, did you find your detective?"

"Yes, Fern is helping me." Brain said.

"Fern?!" Buster asked. "C'mon Brain, I'm ten times better a detective than Fern... a hundred times better!"

"Again, Buster, I really need someone who can actually think like a girl to help me with this mystery." Brain said.

"Has she figured out who sent you the note?" Arthur asked.

"Well, not exactly..." Brain began.

"Ah-ha!" Buster said. "See? I could've figured it out lickitysplit!"

"But we do have one suspect." Brain said.

"Who is it?" Arthur asked.

Brain looked around his shoulders, before dropping his voice to a whisper. "Molly..."

"Molly?" Arthur and Buster asked, in horror.

"Why would Molly send you a note like that?" Arthur asked.

"I don't know," Brain said, "but whoever wrote it is obviously an older kid, I don't know of anyone our age, or younger who can write as well as this, and Molly is the only older girl I can think of as a suspect..."

Arthur and Buster was so puzzled. Could Molly really be Brain's secret admirer?

"Well..." Brain began, with a gulp, "here goes nothing..."

Brain made his way towards the table where the tough customers usually sat. He began sweating a little with each step he took towards the table. Molly was so wrapped up in conversing with the other tough customers, that she never noticed Brain. According to plan, Brain circled the table a bit, watching out of the corner of his eye as he did, to see if Molly took notice. She didn't. Even when he boldly stood right next to her, as she was sitting at the end of the table. Brain shrugged it off, and took to a table ajacent to where Molly's table was. Brain carried about he normal lunch routines, eyeballing Molly the entire time. Arthur and Buster sat next to Brain.

"So...?" Arthur began.

"I'm trying to see if she notices me." Brain said, quietly.

"Why?" Buster asked.

"Her facial expressions will hold the answer to the truth..." Brain explained, still eyeballing Molly, "if she stares at me, turns away when I look over, or even smiles a little, then that will mean she's most likely my secret admirer."

Buster scoffed. "She's not the secret admiring type, I could've told you that!"

"Hey, Brain?" Arthur asked.

"Yeah?" Brain asked.

"She's looking over here..." Arthur said.

Brain quickly turned to face Molly's direction, and saw she was whispering to Rattles.

"Or... she was, anyway..." Arthur said.

"And now, she isn't..." Brain said, "she turned away when I looked..."

"You don't think..." Arthur began.

"I'm afraid so..." Brain said, with worry in his voice.

"Hey, Einstein!" A voice called out to Brain, prompting him to turn around, and discover Rattles and Molly standing right beside him.

"Uh..." Brain stammered.

"What's the matter with you, kid?" Molly asked.

"W-w-w-what?" Brain continued to stammer.

"What do you keep lookin' over at our table for, huh? You spyin' on us, or somethin'?" Rattles asked.

"Who, me?" Brain asked.

"Yeah, you!" Molly said.

"Oh, no..." Brain said, "I assure you... I-I wasn't staring over at your table... I was... uh... I was... um..."

Brain looked down, and noticed that another of the tough customers had the fish sandwich for lunch.

"I was... looking at that kid's fish sandwich... see, I thought I had wanted the chicken sandwich, but seeing the fish sandwich suddenly put me in the mood for one..." Brain said, quickly turning to Arthur and Buster. "Did you guys know that fish is brain food?"

"Oh..." Arthur said, playing along, "is that so?"

"You must eat alot of fish, Brain." Buster said.

Arthur and Brain nervously faked a couple of chuckles.

"Well keep your eyes off our fish, or else you'll be wearing it!" Rattles said, shoving his finger into Brain's face.

"We makin' ourselves clear, kid?" Molly asked.

"Crystal." Brain said.

Rattles and Molly went back to their table, while Brain nervously turned to his friends.

"You still think she's the one?" Arthur asked.

"I think not..." Brain said, as he sipped from his milk carton.

Most interesting, Fern mused, as she watched all of this unfold from the table she was sitting from. Most interesting indeed. After school that day, Brain and Fern agreed to meet at the library, to think over the matter.

"I'm sorry, Fern," Brain said, "but I don't believe Molly was my secret admirer..."

"What happened?" Fern asked.

"She and Rattles both were this close to killing me!" Brain said, holding up his thumb and finger at least an inch apart.

"What did you do?" Fern asked.

"They caught me peaking over at their table... I didn't realize I was that obvious." Brain said.

"Yes, you have to be very subtle in these matters." Fern said.

"I'm still not convince it's Molly..." Brain said, "in fact... the more I think about it... of course... of course!"

"What?" Fern asked.

"I almost forgot about Prunella!" Brain said.

"You think Prunella's your secret admirer?" Fern asked.

"It's possible..." Brain thought, "she's always trying to mess with my head with her fortune telling... and she seems to get a bit of a kick out of it..."

"Makes sense." Fern chuckled.

"Oh... but how am I going to try to find out if it's her or not?" Brain asked. "After all, she can see through anything... literally, and figuretively..."

"Hmm, if it'll help, maybe I can try to find out for you..." Fern said.

"How?" Brain asked.

"Perhaps I could pay her a little visit..." Fern said, "act like I'm in need of advice on how to get a certain boy to notice me... drop little hints, see if she can pick up on them, and see how she reacts when she realizes I'm talking about you..."

"How do you think she would react if she thinks it's my attention you're wanting?" Brain asked.

"Perhaps a little defensive..." Fern said, "or maybe a little disappointed... either way, if it's her, I'll know..."

"Well... I don't know..." Brain said.

"Why don't we give it a shot?" Fern asked. "If it'll make you feel better, you can come along and see for yourself."

"Wait a minute... if I'm there with you, won't that sort of defeat your whole purpose for being there?" Brain asked.

"No, because I have an idea..." Fern said, rubbing her chin, thoughtfully.


	3. Possibly Prunella?

Secret Admirer - Chapter Three "Possibly Prunella?"

Fern walked into her bedroom, followed shortly by Brain. Fern opened her closet door, and began digging around through various boxes she had in there.

"What are you looking for?" Brain asked.

"I'm looking for my set of walky talkies..." Fern said.

"How are walky talkies going to help us?" Brain asked.

"Simple..." Fern said, "I'll hide one in my pocket, keeping the speaker button pressed at all times, while you listen on the other end."

"Hmm... it does have a primitive, childlike whimsy to it..." Brain said, "but won't Prunella be suspicious to see you have your hand in your pocket at all times?"

"You may be right..." Fern said, breaking away from her search. "There should be another way you can listen in on the conversation..."

"I think I have the solution..." Brain said.

Moments later, Brain was going through the drawers of his bedroom desk.

"What we need, is more sophisticated technology..." Brain said.

Fern waited patiently, darting her eyes around the room, and holding her hands behind her back, until finally, Brain pulled two small devices out of a drawer.

"Here we go," Brain said, showing Fern one of his inventions, "this is a prototype of a listening device I had been working on in my spare time."

"A listening device?" Fern asked.

"Yes, let me show you..." Brain held out one piece, that looked like a back tooth, but clear and hollow, "this is a cap you place over one of your back teeth, it can pick up, and transmit any audio it senses within a one-mile radius of its location." Brain then held up the other piece, which looked like part of a hearing aid. "This is ear piece that receives the signals the cap picks up, but like the cap, it too can only work within a one-mile radius of it's location."

"Wow, impressive." Fern said, marveling over Brain's listening device.

"You said the best idea was to be subtle about this..." Brain said, "I don't think it can get anymore subtle than this."

"Well, I guess not." Fern said.

"Ready?" Brain asked, handing Fern the cap.

"I think so..." Fern said, as Brain handed her the cap. Fern observed it for a few seconds, before inserting into her mouth, and fitting it over one of her back teeth.

Shortly thereafter, Brain and Fern were walking down the street, heading for Prunella's house, at one point, however, Brain heard a faint 'psst' coming from a nearby bush. He turned around, and saw part of Buster's face emerging from behind the bush.

"Hey, Brain!" Buster said.

"What are you doing, Buster?" Brain asked.

Buster fully emerged from his hiding spot, revealing a long, blond wig on his head. "Does this help?"

"I'm sorry, Buster," Brain said, once again, "but I've already hired Fern for this job... she's just better suited for it... maybe next time."

Brain walked off, to catch up with Fern, while Buster frowned, and pulled his wig off.

"Oh, I knew I should've taken the red wig..." Buster said.

Brain and Fern approached the front porch to Prunella's residence, Brain fixed up his ear piece to listen in on Fern's conversation with Prunella.

"Where will you be?" Fern asked.

"I'm going to find a hiding spot in the backyard," Brain said, "I can meet you at the corner when you're finished."

"Okay." Fern said.

"Is the device ready?" Brain asked.

Fern opened her mouth, wide, and pointed out she slipped the cap over one of her back teeth. "Ready."

"Great, now I should be able to hear everything that's said." Brain said.

"Okay, now you better go hide." Fern suggested.

"Right." Brain said, as he snuck around the side of the house.

Fern straightened up, and rang the doorbell, waiting for a brief moment, before Prunella's Mother answered the door.

"Hello? Oh, hello there, Fern." Prunella's Mother greeted Fern.

"Hello," Fern said, "is Prunella home?"

"She is, she's upstairs in her room." Prunella's Mother said.

Brain hid himself underneath a picnic table in the backyard, listening very carefully to all that was happening.

"Here goes nothing..." Fern whispered through the device to Brain, as she ascended the stairs into Prunella's room.

Once atop the stairs, Fern knocked on the wall of the entrance, while Prunella sat at her little table, looking over some cards she had spread out.

"Prunella?" Fern asked.

"Shh..." Prunella said, "I'm reading the cards..."

Fern walked over closer to the table, "what do they say?"

"It's hard to tell at this point in time..." Prunella said, "either it means the future is looking particularly bright, or I drew a heart flush..."

"Huh?" Fern asked, before looking down, and seeing she was looking over playing cards, rather than tarot cards.

"These things don't work nearly as well..." Prunella said, restacking the cards, and shuffling them. "Want to play a round of go fish?"

"Um, no, actually, Prunella... I was in need of some... well... spiritual advice..." Fern said.

"I see..." Prunella said, wrapping her shawl around her head, "what seems to be troubling you?"

"Well..." Fern began, as she took a seat across the table, "you see... it's... well, kind of foolish really..."

"I'll be the judge of that..." Prunella said, "what is it?"

"Well... I was wondering if there was any chance at getting a certain boy to notice me?" Fern asked.

Prunella paused. "You're right, it's foolish..."

Brain smirked, as he listened to the conversation through his earpiece.

"I mean, no offence, Fern, but you're dull..." Prunella said, "dull as dirt... I doubt any boy out there would be remotely interested in noticing you."

Fern sadly sighed, "I know... I know..."

"Who is it?" Prunella asked.

"Who is it?" Fern replied. "Uh... well... I... I don't really want to say..."

"You don't trust me?" Prunella asked.

"Oh, sure I do," Fern said, "but still... um... well, let's just say, it's... someone in my class..."

"I see..." Prunella said, "well, first of all, let's take a look at your horoscope..." Prunella pulled out the newspaper, and looked for Fern's horoscope, "here we go... 'it is time for a change of pace, try something new in your life, the outcome will be rewarding."

"Hmm... something new in my life..." Fern pondered.

"That's a start," Prunella said, "I think your best bet would be to figure out what this boy you like is interested in, and try to show some interest in it yourself..."

"I could do that," Fern said, "I guess in many cases, science would be alot more interesting than literature anyway."

"Science?" Prunella asked.

"Oh, did I say that?" Fern asked.

"Yeah, you did." Prunella said.

"Silly me." Fern said.

"Well, if this boy is interested in science," Prunella said, "then what I would do, if I were you, is emerse myself in science... that way you'll can develop a bit of familiarity in the subject, you wouldn't want to try to show off interest in it yourself if you don't know anything about it."

"That's very profound." Fern said. "I could even pay regular visits to the science museum as well, that way he could see I'm developing interest."

"He likes to go to the science museum, huh?" Prunella asked.

"I'm sure of it..." Fern said.

"Fern?" Prunella asked, with half a smile, "it's not the Brain, is it?"

"Is what not the Brain?" Fern asked.

"Is Brain the boy you like?" Prunella asked.

"Did I say that?" Fern asked.

"Come on, Fern... he's interested in science, he frequents the science museum... I'm reading you like a novel, Fern, you like Brain!"

"Well... okay... maybe I do..." Fern said.

Prunella snickered a little.

"What?" Fern asked.

Prunella laughed a little louder at this point.

"What's so funny, Prunella?" Fern asked.

"I'm sorry, Fern," Prunella said, "but I don't know if developing an interest in science would be enough to get Brain to notice you!"

"Well, what else could I do?" Fern asked.

Prunella's laugh slowly disappeared. "You seriously like Brain?"

"Well... yes, I do..." Fern said.

"Hmm, let me consult the spirit world about this..." Prunella said, as she gazed into her crystal ball.

Fern tried to look into the crystal ball as well, but all she could see was an eerie glow, from where Prunella had it switched on. Out in the backyard, Brain lightly pushed the earpiece further into his ear to make sure the sounds of birds chirping, and cars passing by outside didn't drown out the sounds from up in Prunella's room.

"What are you doing?" A voice asked Brain.

Brain was confused. That didn't sound like either of Prunella's, nor Fern's voices. Did someone else walk into the room? Brain then saw a pair of feet walk around front of the picnic table. It was Prunella's older sister, Rubella, as she bent over, to make eye contact with Brain.

"What are you doing under our table?" Rubella asked.

"Oh..." Brain said, nervously, "please forgive me, if I am trespassing on your property, I was... um... we were playing hide and seek, and this seemed like a good hiding spot."

Rubella straightened up, and looked around to see if another kid appeared to be looking for somebody, but saw no one else.

"Then, who's it?" Rubella asked.

Silence.

"Hello?" Rubella asked, bending over again, seeing Brain was now gone. "Odd... I haven't summoned an oddball spirit in ages..."

Moments later, Fern was leaving the house, while Prunella saw her off.

"Well, thanks anyway, Prunella." Fern said.

"Sorry, Fern," Prunella said, with a smirk, "but, in all honesty, you're hopeless... completely hopeless.."

"I suppose your right..." Fern said.

"It's not your fault, though," Prunella said, "it takes all kinds of people to make up the world... even dull people... besides, I think if you tried to change your personality, that would be just plain scary."

"I guess so..." Fern said, "well, see you around sometime..."

"Bye." Prunella said, before she walked back into her house, and shut the door.

Fern walked towards the sidewalk, slightly chuckling, as she removed the cap from her tooth, and slipped it into her pocket. Seconds later, Fern approached the corner, where she was to meet Brain, who slipped out from behind a nearby bush.

"Well, that seemed to go smoothly." Fern said.

"I didn't hear much after Prunella mentioned consulting the spirit world..." Brain said, as he pulled his earpiece out, "Rubella caught me under the picnic table in their backyard, and that threw off my concentration."

"Oh, Prunella basically looked into her crystal ball, and told me that there was no way possible I could change myself to get you to notice that would work... apparently I'm too hopeless a case." Fern said.

"So, what do you think?" Brain asked. "I'm not sure myself, she seemed to find it amusing that it was me you were interested in."

"That's very interesting, now that you mention it," Fern said, "perhaps it was a cover up..."

"A cover up?" Brain asked.

"She could have been trying to discourage me..." Fern pondered, "so that I couldn't possibly stand in her way, assuming she really is your secret admirer..."

Brain shook his head in astonishment. "Wow... the ways of the girl world can be quiet perplexing..."

"So, do you want to continue this investigation?" Fern asked.

"Perhaps..." Brain said, "I need to know for sure..."

"Whatever you do, Brain..." Fern began, "you must, must, must be subtle about it."

"You're right..." Brain said, "... very subtle..."

Later that afternoon, Brain was in Prunella's bedroom, asking for advice, himself.

"This is rather a kooky coincidence..." Prunella said.

"It is?" Brain asked, acting confused.

"Yeah... somebody was just here earlier, talking about you..." Prunella said, playfully.

"Let me see if I can guess..." Brain said, leaning back in his seat, "Buster wanting me to know if I'll do his homework for him?"

Prunella chuckled. "Not exactly. It was a girl."

"A girl?" Brain asked, again, acting confused.

"Yeah... I think you might have a secret admirer..." Prunella said.

"You mean... a girl was here earlier... talking about me?" Brain asked.

"Yep!" Prunella said.

"Who was it?" Brain asked.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Prunella asked.

Brain smirked a little, he couldn't tell if Prunella was teasing him a little about Fern's earlier visit, or if she was teasing him in general. Brain made his next move.

"Actually, I would like to know, you see..." Brain pulled the note from his pocket, "this was in my Valentine's Day mailbox the other day, and I don't know who sent it."

Prunella looked over the note, while Brain observed her, very carefully. The way he saw it, if Prunella really was his secret admirer, she would unknowingly become increasingly nervous about the situation, because she would probably try to make up excuses to cover herself up. It didn't work that way however.

"Gee, whoever wrote this was obviously trying impress you." Prunella said, with a straight voice, as she handed the note back to Brain.

"What do you mean?" Brain asked.

"The poem... it seems a little... 'forced'..." Prunella said.

"Forced?" Brain asked.

"Exactly, like whoever wrote it was trying to express herself in a way that it wouldn't look like something any other ordinary kid would write..." Prunella said, "the well it's written, the words that were used, the fact that it's typed in this fancy font..."

"See, I was under the impression that it was from some... older girl..." Brain said.

"What, you think I sent it?" Prunella asked.

"No!" Brain said, quickly.

"Yeah, look Brain? I'm gonna be honest with you... it wasn't me." Prunella said. "I'm not even in your class."

"What does that have to do with anything?" Brain asked.

"Unless there were no hall monitors on patrol, or if absolutely nobody, not even Mr. Ratburn, was in the room at any moment, I doubt it was somebody outside of your own class of left this for you." Prunella said.

"So..." Brain said, "if it wasn't someone outside of my class... then..."

"Take it from me, Brain," Prunella said, "your secret admirer is definitely from your own class."

"But who?" Brain asked.

"I couldn't tell you that." Prunella said.

"Why not?" Brain asked, suddenly realizing he was letting down his act, so he tried to get it started again. "I mean, who was here earlier?"

"You really wanna know?" Prunella asked.

"Yes." Brain lied.

"Here's a little hint... she's probably the dullest girl in your class..."

"I see..." Brain said, ready to move on. 


	4. Mostly Muffy?

Secret Admirer - Chapter Four "Mostly Muffy?"

Fern strolled through the park, observing how much of the snow on the ground had since melted over the past few days. This year's winter season in Elwood City hadn't had as much precipitation as usual, and as such, there was already little to no snow on the ground, and what little snow there was had been melting. After a few moments of walking, Brain came up from behind her.

"There you are!" Brain said.

"Well?" Fern asked.

"Boy..." Brain began, "you must really be a class act, Fern."

"Excuse me?" Fern asked, puzzled.

"You must have been very convincing back there, because Fern actually believes you really are interested in me." Brain said.

Fern chuckled. "Sometimes, a detective has to be a little extra deceitful to get a little valuable information. Did you seriously go see her for yourself?"

"Yes, I did, and as I said, she's so convinced that you're the secret admirer, now I'm not sure she that she really is." Brain said.

"Oh, you don't?" Fern asked.

"No..." Brain said, "she did bring up an interesting point though..."

"What's that?" Fern asked.

"It couldn't possibly be someone outside of our class..." Brain said.

"How does she figure?" Fern asked.

"Well, let's think about it..." Brain said, "with our hall monitors patrolling the hallways, and Mr. Ratburn being in the classroom a vast majority of the school day, there's no way anyone outside of our classroom could have snuck in, and slipped the note into my box, without being noticed."

"She's right..." Fern said, "this is mystery is certainly hitting a lot closer to home, now..."

"Now, I've just got to figure out which girl from our class it could possibly be..." Brain said.

"Any ideas?" Fern asked.

"Not at the moment, no..." Brain said.

"In that case, we'll have to do another elimination process..." Fern said.

Fern made her way out of the park, followed by Brain, though, out of the clear blue, Brain felt someone tap his shoulder. He turned around and found Buster, now wearing a red wig, and showing off his new red nailpolish.

"Does this help, Brain?" Buster asked.

"Um... frankly, no..." Brain said, "as I keep telling you, Buster, Fern is helping me solve this mystery... sorry..."

Brain went to catch up with Fern, while Buster trudged homeward bound.

"Oh, I knew I should've gone with the peach colored polish..." Buster said.

Shortly later, the two of them were back at the Sugar Bowl, where Brain was jotting down the names of all the girls in his class on a piece of notebook paper.

"There, here's all the girls that are in our class... now to figure out which one is my secret admirer..." Brain said, "first off..."

Brain looked over the list, then slowly brought up his face, looking Fern square in the eye. Fern sat there, returning the look to Brain. The two of them just sat there, for a few silent seconds, until Brain finally spoke up.

"First off," he began, "I believe we can eliminate you... you didn't even send out any Valentines this year." Brain scratched Fern's name off the list.

Fern sadly sigh. "No... I didn't anyone would even care if I gave them Valentines... I know I'm not a very popular person."

"Well... I'm sorry about that..." Brain said, "and I think I could eliminate Francine as well..."

"Why?" Fern asked.

"Well..." Brain began, pausing to look over his shoulders, to make sure nobody else from school, let alone Mr. Ratburn's class, happened to be in the Sugar Bowl as well, and would overhear what had to be said. "I'm not exactly sure... but... I think she has a crush on..."

"Who?" Fern asked.

"... Arthur..." Brain said, dropping his voice to a whisper.

"Hmm... interesting theory..." Fern said.

Brain went back over the list. "And, I believe we can eliminate Sue Ellen too... somehow, I think she has a bit of a crush on... Binky..."

"Binky Barnes?" Fern asked, with a laugh.

"Yes, incredible as it seems." Brain said. "I don't believe it could be Jenna, either..."

"Why not?" Fern asked.

"Well, for one thing, I hardly know her," Brain said, "and I highly doubt that someone as atheletically involved as her, would be interested in someone as academically involved as I am."

"But you play sports, too, don't you?" Fern asked.

"Yes, occasionally, I like to challenge myself in new areas," Brain said, "and I do enjoy friendly competition found in various activities... I've even helped coach soccer once for summer school. But, when you boil it down, I'd much rather spend my time with a book, than a ball."

"I see..." Fern said.

A few more moments had passed, Brain and Fern continued to go over the list, very carefully, continuing the elimination process, up until the point there was only one name left on the list, that hadn't been scratched out.

"Muffy..." both Brain and Fern said, looking over the last name.

"It could be very possible," Brain said, "you have to admit, sometimes, Muffy can be rather impulsive..."

"This would make an interesting pairing..." Fern said, "the wealthy and the intelligent?"

"I just have certain vices about Muffy, though..." Brain said.

"Like what?" Fern asked.

"Well, for one thing, have you ever worked with Muffy on anything?" Brain asked.

"As a matter of fact..."

Fern entered flashback territory, of one time in the second grade, all of the students were assigned a partner to work on a project on paper mache animals. Muffy was paired with Fern. The students were given their materials to work with, but Muffy started complaining, worring that the paste would simply ruin her new outfit, so Fern offered to construct the animals, if Muffy would paint them, as Muffy liked to brag about how artistic she was, and that she had an eye for detail. Fern felt that was fair. They both would be contributing to their project, and doing half of the work. Having been watching Shiloh repeatedly, Fern was inspired to construct a little beagle, meanwhile, Muffy said she wanted an anteater, so Fern got to making a paper mache anteater as well. After the animals had dried, and it came time to paint them, Muffy kept asking for Fern's input on exactly how the designs, patterns, markings and such should be approached, which prompted Fern to actually paint examples for Muffy, and before they knew it, Fern had painted both of the animals. When asked about either the beagle, or the anteater, Muffy bragged about doing such a good job on them, leaving Fern with absolutely no credit.

"Exactly my point," Brain said, "like the time myself, Arthur, Francine, and Binky helped Muffy bake a batch of cookies for the Strawberry Festival... we did all the work, and she took all of the credit, and was even going to market the cookies under her name, and have only her picture on the bag!"

"I remember that." Fern said. "Or like that art show she did, but it was her butler who constructed all of the exhibits."

"I can just see it now... Muffy will come up with ideas, have me do all of the back breaking, manual labor for her, and she'll mention to everybody about how she did it all herself." Brain said, sipping his hot chocolate.

"Right..."

"Not to mention that Muffy can be a bit of a snob..." Brain said.

"So, how do you propose we figure out if Muffy is, indeed, the one who sent the note?" Fern asked.

"I don't think there's anything to figure out," Brain said, looking over the note once more, "I know Muffy likes to try to work on her computer... knowing how much money they have, she probably has an unlimited number of fonts on her computer, this certainly isn't your typical true type, nor open type font..."

"What are you going to do?" Fern asked.

"No more beating around the bush," Brain said, "tomorrow, I'm calling her out..."

"Good luck with that..." Fern said, eating the marshmellows from her chocolate.

The next morning, at Lakewood Elementary, Muffy removed her book bag from its respective place, before stuffing it into her locker. Once she closed the door to her locker, she was surprised to find Brain standing behind it.

"Dah!" Muffy yelped. "Brain, what are you trying to do? Give me a heart attack?"

"Now, why would I want to give you a heart attack, Muffy?" Brain asked, with a smile on his face.

"Um, Brain?" Muffy asked. "What's with that sick smile on your face?"

"What sick smile?" Brain asked.

"Brain... what is the matter with you?" Muffy asked. "Why are you acting so strange?"

"I'm not acting strange," Brain said, "I'm just standing here, admiring you."

"Admiring me? Well... I know I'm the world's most perfect person, and all, and I have more money than anyone in school..."

"What's not to admire about you?" Brain asked.

"Because, Brain, it's freaking me out." Muffy said, making a few steps away from Brain.

"I assure you, Muffy, freaking you out is not my intentions." Brain said, still smiling.

"Then cut it out!" Muffy said, as she walked away. "Boys... they're so rude!"

Brain smirked. He assumed that Muffy would be a little embarrassed by his behavior, but rather, she certainly was somewhat disturbed by it. Brain sighed. Muffy wasn't his secret admirer either, obviously. Looking down another corridor, Brain observed George opening his locker, and finding an unusual can inside. George grabbed the can, wondering what was inside it, so he removed the top, only to have a large, rubber snake pop out, startling him. Other students in the hall couldn't help but laugh at the amusing little prank that had just been played. Several hours later, Brain returned home from school, dropping his book bag to the floor, and grabbing a seat on his bed to relax. At that moment, Fern slowly approached his door, tapping lightly on the door frame.

"Brain?" Fern asked.

"What is it, Fern?" Brain responded.

"Don't give up hope, Brain," Fern said, as she began pacing, "perhaps there's more to this case than meets the eye..."

"Oh, don't worry about it, Fern," Brain assured her, as stood up from his bed, "besides, I think I finally figured it out..."

"You have?" Fern asked, breaking away from her pacing.

"Yes..." Brain said, "and I have to admit that I'm a little surprised I didn't figure it out before hand..."

"Figure out what?" Fern asked.

"It couldn't have been any girl from our class..." Brain said.

"How did you come to figure that?" Fern asked.

"When I finally put two and two together..." Braid continued, "it couldn't have been any girl from our class, because it was sent by a boy."

Fern was completely confused at that deduction. "A boy?!"

"Yes," Brain said, "I see it now, this wasn't actually from any secret admirer, but rather, somebody playing a practical joke on me!"

Fern was still confused. "Who would play a joke like that on you?"

"Maybe Binky?" Brain asked. "He has a rather bizarre sense of humor, plus he's been known to play tricks on people before."

"But... I don't recall Binky handing out Valentines either..." Fern reminded Brain.

"He could've done it when I least expected it, or when I wasn't even paying attention." Brain said. "Besides, it might not have been Binky, really, it could've been anybody."

"So... are you saying the case is solved?" Fern asked.

"Yes, I'm convinced that this was a simple gag note from someone looking to get my goat." Brain said, as he pulled the note out of his pocket, and tossed it into his wastebasket. "I'm sorry I dragged you into this, Fern, but I really did think it was a legitimate note from an actual secret admirer... again, I knew for a case like this, I need the help of someone who really could think like a girl."

"Oh... that's no problem, Brain," Fern said, "at least now, you can have a bit of peace of mind."

"Too true," Brain said, "well, I think I'll head down to the Sugar Bowl for some hot chocolate, would you like to come?"

"Oh, no thank you, I think I'd rather just head on home," Fern said, "after a mystery like this, I think I need to give my mind a bit of a break."

"Okay," Brain said, as Fern turned to leave, "thanks again."

"Again, it was no problem." Fern said, as she left Brain's house.

After a few more minutes had passed, Brain left his house to go to the Sugar Bowl, but as he made his way down the sidewalk, he once again heard a familiar voice call out to him.

"Brain!!!"

Brain turned around to find the strangest sight approach him. Buster now not only had on a wig, and nail polish, but also was wearing a baby blue, floral dress, and golden wrist braclet. Around his neck, he wore a choker of pearls, and he had, messily, applied a bit of makeup to his face.

"Brain!" Buster called out. "This is it... this is as girly as I can possibly get... can I please have the job? Please?!"

"You're a little late, Buster," Brain said, "the case has already been closed."

"What?" Buster asked, in a very defeated tone.

"Yes, despite my earlier theories, I have concluded that this wasn't the work of an actual secret admirer, but rather, the work of a practical joker... who the practical joker is, I haven't exactly figured that out, but it doesn't really matter, anymore as far as I'm concerned... and Buster?"

"Yeah?" Buster replied.

"You're really starting to scare me," Brain admitted, "perhaps you might want to change out of that ensemble, before somebody sees you, and wonders about your mental stability..."

Brain smiled a little, at how ludicrous Buster looked wearing women's clothing, as he made his way to the Sugar Bowl, while Buster stood there, defeated, pulling his wig off, and shuffling home, himself. All the while, Fern relaxed atop of her bed, not being able to control her laughter, which didn't go unoticed by her mother.

"Fern?" Her mother asked, entering her room. "What's so funny, Fern?"

"Oh, nothing," Fern said, trying to calm herself down, "nothing at all."

"Oh? Why were you laughing?" Her mother asked.

"I don't know," Fern lied, "sometimes, laughter is the best medicine."

Fern's mother shrugged, as she left the room, while Fern quieted down, staring at the ceiling. She started to remember a comment Francine once made about how thick boys are to realize the most obvious of things that are right under their noses. Brain was, without a doubt, the smartest student in class, the entire school even, yet he couldn't figure out who it really was who sent him the note. Fern's feelings may have been hurt, just a little, as Brain trashed the note, but for him to seek her out as a detective, and even complement her on the work she had done, made up for it. After spending quite a bit of time with him over a mystery that wasn't really a mystery at all, this will surly be a Valentine's Day Fern will never forget.

The end. 


End file.
